something new

I feel like such a cliche when I talk about having the worst case of writers block. Back when I didn't have so many financial or home burdens, I wanted to be a writer. I even temporarily became an English major (that lasted one semester) and then switched to journalism (that lasted 3 years) , but intimidation and lack of motivation fell upon me. Not just lack of motivation for writing, lack of motivation with everything. I'm stuck in a very odd spot in my life now and have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do. People tell me to find a job in writing. Yeah, ok. Because that'll be a snap. Because that'll pay the bills. Because I paid SO much attention in school. Do I really have what it takes? This moaning and bitching is merely insecurity, as I really do love to write. I just feel like I have no idea how to go about it anymore.

I used to be an excellent student all the way through freshman year of college. Then I got my first job. Ooooh lord, yeah.....I'm not a friend to multitasking. I did really well in my final spring and summer semesters though. It was interesting, that also happened to be the time my stepfather had passed away and I was dealing with a ton of other shit. For once, multitasking and I got along. For once I had that fire urging me to get things done. I even had a advanced writing workshop that I aced. We won't discuss the asshat that presided over my final English class and made me feel less worthy again.

I've finally left my first job, the one albatross that hung over my life for 7 years. Sure, some very good things and people came out of it, but I feel like I'm starting life all over again. Maybe now I can regain some confidence in myself and my "old" abilities. I've been trying to read more, trying to muse in my LJ.....it's really hard though, and I feel like I need another crash course in grammar and a thesaurus on hand. A good friend suggested writing for a allotted time per day. Just to write, no matter what the topic is or if it even makes sense. I think it's a good idea.

I'm a harsh critic and a wee sensitive, but I'm always open for debate and criticism. A favorite line from my dear Leo Bloom: "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone with a spine." After his subsequent life-altering musical solo, he follows that up with: "I'm not going into the toilet, I'm going into show-business!" I'd kinda like to follow that journey. I know it won't take 5 minutes and there won't be any tapping or sequins involved, but dammit, it's about time I grew a thicker skin and tried to put myself out there to this world. I may make absurd musical theatre comparisons to my life, but whatever works, right?

A couple things to know:

-I'm a girl.
(if you read that as Jimmy Fallon impersonating Hilary Swank, I will love you forever)

-I'm absolutely obsessed with pop culture in all forms, especially musical theatre and TV. DVDs are glorious.

-You're very lucky I didn't have this during this past season of American Idol, or you would have been Elliott Yamin-d out.

-I'm officially in my mid-20s and only freak out about age when I realize how fast the days are speeding by. Or when I refer to something in 2004 as "a little bit ago."

-Some "obsessions" I will fight to the death over: Cabaret (recent revival), Hedwig (any way), Proof, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Secretary, Aerosmith, and Common Rotation. Yes, I'm a bit of a fangirl, but I don't think I'm particularly annoying.

-I follow the golden rule, not religion. You could say I'm a humanist, or at least those online quizzes do. I don't know if I believe in a higher being. I hate ignorance, intolerance, pro-life or anything anti-woman, anti-gay, discrimination, open hate and war, people that stare at the disabled, health insurance costs, and Carson Daly. Am I perfect? Fuck no. I just cannot stand any of the above and would like to see it gone. I guess that's asking a little too much. Can we at least get rid of Daly? Paris Hilton, perhaps?? C'MON!!

-I gravitate towards short hairy Jewish men or tallish lanky men with floppy hair who look great in eyeliner. I always say I'm looking for "my Steve," referring to Sex and the City.

-I'm big on non-sequiters.

-I'm going to stop summing myself up in bullet points now.