this past year

It's been a pretty crazy year. I'd say it's been a mental health year. Come on, 7 years of Spencers? Lucky I didn't end up in a padded room with partitioned food. I haven't really been writing too many personal entries in LJ lately. Superficial pop culture is what I've been focusing on, when wouldn't you think THAT would go here and the private would go over there? Honestly, I get more comments and enjoyment out of the pop culture.

I'm not hiding, I DO talk about what's going on in my life. What's going on? Not much! Well, that's a lie. I'm in my best friend of 18 years wedding. Bachelorette party tonight, wedding April 28. I see my best friend of 12 years at least once a week, and talk to my guy best friend of 11 years on the phone from D.C. often. Yeah, I don't know why I just specified all the years. But I love them, and they really get me through a lot and keep me sane. Still, it's not like there's really much that should be making me INsane. Except money. And my mom. And the van. And being sick almost all month with allergens seeping through a drafty window. And knowing I need to find a part-time job soon. And being screwed out of a business deal at the beginning of the year. But I really don't want to talk about that.

Ok, there's always stress no matter what, and I am looking to resolve everything I mentioned. Well, if only it were so easy with Mom. I'm going to be looking for a part-time morning job so I can pay my bills and still be very available for her. I think it's the best compromise. I try to make the times that I'm away from the house for 8 or more hours few and always flexible. So, you know, at least there's that goal.

I miss New York. I have all the time in the world to go, but no money. It's $30 for train and parking alone! No, I don't drive there because the Lincoln Tunnel and parking tolls would total up to $30, along with wear and tear of the car. I do want to try it some day just to see how it is, though I'd get pedestrian and taxi rage. Still, I miss my friends very much. I've only been up a few times in the past few months-- stalking Chris Daughtry with D, Company and seeing K after nearly a year, Drowsy Chaperone and karaoking with my board girls, the Company signing with A, and the Elliott Yamin signing with D. That's it. Very specific things that barely cost any money. I miss some people very much (like SW), but I didn't think they'd be interested in signings. I'm usually not either, but Raul and Elliott? Yeah, hi, here I am!

I've also gotten to spend a lot of time with my friend and her beautiful 5 month old daughter. There's a perk of being free during the days! I love that little baby. She's just so smart and funny and makes me very fuzzy, as corny as that sounds. Yeah yeah yeah, I'm the "I don't want kids" one. I still don't. Mind you, I spend a few hours and leave! But spending time with this little love has given me a 2% margin and the "check back in 10 years" disclaimer.

I just want freedom, and kids don't give you that. I've spent 26 years with my mom, 15 of them taking care of her and my stepdad. Yeah, those are some pretty formative years that got cut into. Not like she isn't the greatest and doesn't try to give me anything and let me do what I want....but it's just different. I really don't know how to exist in a world without her. This will present a problem when I'm forced to...but seriously, right now I really want to enjoy the time I have with her. She's so funny, bright, smart, and loving. How could you not want to be with someone like that?

I'm becoming more myself now. I'm not just a t-shirt studded plain rocker chick. I say plain because I don't do the makeup thing well at all and wear all black and jeans that tend to make my shape look frumpy. You know, just the changing of my nail color made me more confident and happy. I now have the most perfect shade of 80s pink on my hot nails, and I couldn't feel cuter. My haircut is finally fun and flirty (hi, am I Seventeen magazine? Eh, whatevs), and I discovered all those headbands that are big this season. They are MADE for my hair. Guess who got a zebra striped one and a black/hot pink bangle bracelet? I miss the 80s like mad, and though I don't really wanna work the leggings or lace tunics, the accessories are making me kvell. I DO like girly things, but as long as they're funky or bold. That's just me. And I suppressed that side of me so long at that damn store.

I don't know what's coming up next....I figure I'll really get on that after the wedding craziness. Hopefully these antibiotics have kicked the ass of whatever was making me sick, and I can just start taking Claritin every day. This weather has been absolutely horrible!